FILE - In this Dec. 9, 2018, file photo, FedEx Field is less than full during the second half of an NFL football game between the Washington Redskins and the New York Giants in Landover, Md. The title sponsor of the Redskins’ stadium wants them to change their name. FedEx said in a statement Thursday, July 2, 2020, “We have communicated to the team in Washington our request that they change the team name.“ (AP Photo/Mark Tenally, File)

FILE - In this Dec. 9, 2018, file photo, FedEx Field is less than full during the second half of an NFL football game between the Washington Redskins and the New York Giants in Landover, Md. The title sponsor of the Redskins’ stadium wants them to change their name. FedEx said in a statement Thursday, July 2, 2020, “We have communicated to the team in Washington our request that they change the team name.“ (AP Photo/Mark Tenally, File)

COLUMN: Some more appropriate names for Washington NFL team

Finally, Washington’s NFL team would have a name everyone could cheer with pride

Now that Washington’s NFL team has taken a long-overdue step toward changing its name, it’s time to start lining up some possible replacements.

Washington Generals, anyone?

After defiantly resisting all calls to change its offensive moniker, the Washington NFLers finally bowed to the only thing that really matters.

The bottom line.

With the nation embroiled in social turmoil and economic upheaval, Nike stopped selling merchandise with the Washington nickname. For good measure, stadium title sponsor FedEx called on the team to come up with a moniker that would be more in tune with the current times rather than, say, the 1800s.

So, while Washington’s NFL team conducts what it calls a “thorough review” that almost will surely lead to a replacement by 2021 at the latest, let’s explore a few possibilities:

GENERALS — This would be a nod to the lovable losers who spent decades serving as the Harlem Globetrotters’ nightly pushovers, compiling a record of one win and somewhere north of 16,000 losses before they went out of business in 2015. Washington’s NFL team hasn’t been quite that bad in recent years, but it did go 3-13 a year ago and last won a playoff game in 2005. If Generals doesn’t work out, how about the Federals? They were Washington’s entry in the USFL during the 1980s, going 7-29 over two seasons in the ill-fated spring football league. A seamless transition, that would be.

GRIDLOCK — The District of Columbia has some of the worst traffic congestion in the nation, so this would seem fitting to all those commuters who’ve been spent roughly the time it takes to play an NFL game just trying to get to work. Also, it sums up our current political climate.

BLAZE — During the War of 1812, the British invaded Washington and set fire to numerous government buildings including the White House and the Capitol. Not necessarily a proud moment in the nation’s history, but probably a notch above Dan Snyder’s embarrassing tenure as team owner.

BUREAUCRATS — The team could pay tribute to all those nameless workers who keep the wheels of government droning along through turbulent times. They’ve certainly shown more imagination than some of Washington’s offensive schemes over the past couple of decades.

FOGGY BOTTOM BOYS — Foggy Bottom is one of the city’s oldest neighbourhoods, which would give Washington’s NFL team a chance to play off the fictional band created for the Coen Brothers’ classic movie “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” The Soggy Bottom Boys were fronted by a lip-syncing George Clooney, who hopefully could be persuaded to cut a video for the team’s new right song, “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow.” It’s a catchier tune (and certainly more appropriate for the long-suffering fan base) than the hokey “Hail to the ….”

BLOSSOMS — While perhaps lacking the machismo of other potential monikers, the city’s famed cherry blossoms are in full bloom for roughly as long as the hopes of a Washington NFL fan each season. About two weeks.

SENATORS — Washington’s longtime baseball franchise was so horrible most years that its derisive motto became, “First in war, first in peace, last in the American League.” Hmm, that sounds familiar. Other names that were once used by pro sports franchises in the district include the Diplomats (a long-forgotten soccer team from the 1970s) and the Ambassadors (a team that never got off the ground in the World Football League). But forget about the Bullets, the NBA Wizards’ former name. That one was dropped because of its association with gun violence. It ain’t coming back.

HOGS — This name hearkens back to the team’s most glorious era, when a group of down-and-dirty behemoths dominated the offensive line of scrimmage and bullied Washington to three Super Bowl titles under Joe Gibbs. This might be the best way to appease those fans who are sure to object to changing the offensive moniker.

MONUMENTS — C’mon, how can you not like the Washington Monuments! A worthy tribute to the city’s stunning array of marble and granite remembrances, which honour everyone from the first president to Martin Luther King Jr. to the veterans of the Vietnam War. Some great logo possibilities, for sure.

RED TAILS — This is our pick. It maintains a link to the team’s current abomination of a name but also salutes the famed Tuskegee Airmen, the group of African American fighter pilots who broke down racial stereotypes during World War II.

Finally, Washington’s NFL team would have a name everyone could cheer with pride.

Paul Newberry, The Associated Press

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Want to support local journalism? Make a donation here.

NFL

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

The new council for Hupacasath First Nation. From left to right: Councillor Ricky-Lee Watts, Chief Councillor Brandy Lauder, Councillor Jolleen Dick and Councillor Warren Lauder. (SUBMITTED PHOTO)
Hupacasath First Nation chooses new chief councillor, council

First change of leadership in a decade for Vancouver Island nation

A trailer with fire damage is taped off by the Port Alberni Fire Department at the Wintergreen Apartments on Fourth Avenue. (ELENA RARDON / ALBERNI VALLEY NEWS)
Fire knocked down at Wintergreen Apartments trailer

City is concerned about zoning, building code and fire code infractions surrounding the trailers

File photo of Gord Johns during World Oceans Day.
Courtenay-Alberni MP outlines priorities for federal budget

Universal pharmacare, affordable housing and Pacific wild salmon are some of the… Continue reading

Alberni Valley Bulldogs forward Lukas Jirousek pokes the puck away from Grizzlies forward Henri Schreifels during a game at the Alberni Valley Multiplex on Sunday, April 11, 2021. (ELENA RARDON / ALBERNI VALLEY NEWS)
BCHL: Career night for Castagna can’t lift Alberni Valley Bulldogs past Victoria

Back-and-forth affair between Bulldogs and Grizzlies ends 7-5 for visiting team

Logging Camp Nine on Great Central Lake overlooks a large forest fire across the lake in this historical photo from May 1943. Camp Nine was bustling, with residences for logging camp staff, a rail line and rail cars visible. This is one of 24,000 photos contained in the Alberni Valley Museum’s digital archives, available for public viewing at https://portalberni.pastperfectonline.com. (PHOTO PN12220 COURTESY ALBERNI VALLEY MUSEUM)
LOOK BACK: Great Central Lake’s sawmill

Take a peek at Alberni Valley history with the Alberni Vally Museum

Burnaby MLA Raj Chouhan presides as Speaker of the B.C. legislature, which opened it spring session April 12 with a speech from the throne. THE CANADIAN PRESS
B.C. NDP promises more health care spending, business support in 2021 budget

John Horgan government to ‘carefully return to balanced budgets’

Dr. E. Kwok administers a COVID-19 vaccine to a recipient at a vaccination clinic run by Vancouver Coastal Health, in Richmond, B.C., Saturday, April 10, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jonathan Hayward
Most Canadians plan to get COVID-19 vaccine, but safety fears drive hesitancy: poll

This comes as confidence in governments is plummeting in provinces being hit hardest by the pandemic

Marathon of Hope runner Terry Fox is shown in a 1981. (THE CANADIAN PRESS/CP)
Terry Fox’s legacy of resilience resonates during COVID-19 crisis, says brother

Fred Fox said his brother’s legacy of resilience has taken on renewed resonance as COVID-19 rages on

A youth was arrested following a car crash on Wallace Street on Saturday, April 10. (Karl Yu/News Bulletin)
Onlookers laugh and jeer as B.C. teen beaten, then forced to strip and walk home

Police arrest older teen, call video shared on social media ‘disturbing’

A lady wears a sticker given out after receiving a COVID-19 vaccine at a clinic in Richmond, B.C., Saturday, April 10, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS
B.C.’s COVID-19 case count slows after last week’s peak

3,219 new cases since Friday, 18 additional deaths

North Cowichan councillor Tek Manhas did not violate the municipality’s code of conduct by posting a sexist meme on Facebook, council concludes. (File photo)
B.C. municipality to take no action against councillor who posted sexist meme

Tek Manhas’s meme doesn’t violate North Cowichan council’s code of conduct, municipality concludes

A 41-person air task force, including 12 members from 407 Long Range Patrol Squadron at 19 Wing Comox, seized more than $3 million CND worth of cocaine as part of Op Caribbe. Photo by Canadian Armed Forces Operations/Facebook
Vancouver Island team helps make $368 million three-tonne cocaine seizure

12 members from 19 Wing Comox involved in Op Caribbe

Killer whales surface near Sebastion Beach in Lantzville on Sunday, April 11. (Photos courtesy Ella Smiley)
Chainsaw and friends near the beach thrill orca watchers in Lantzville

Jagged-finned orca named Chainsaw and 17 others spent hours off Sebastion Beach this weekend

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

Most Read